Thursday, December 31, 2009
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NPR.org - How A Bone Disease Grew To Fit The Prescription
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Monday, December 21, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Happy Holidays- are you happy enough?
By Lynn Somerstein, PhD, RYT, Object Relations Topic Expert Contributor
Click here to contact Lynn and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” – Albert Schweitzer
Everybody says, “Happy Holidays!” But are you happy enough? Could you be happier, and… how can you get that way?
Research psychologists Emmons and McCullough, and Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh believe grateful feelings can bring happiness.
Although feeling grateful may lead to happiness, for most people gratitude has to be learned. Melanie Klein, an early Object Relations theorist, wrote a book called Envy and Gratitude, explaining that in the normal course of development people learn to feel grateful- but they don’t start out that way. In fact, babies can envy all the goodies that their strong and powerful parents have.
It may take a lifetime, but as we grow we learn to feel thankful for what our parents and others have shared with us. This is true even if those parents weren’t particularly generous, kind or good. The wise can value half a loaf of bread, rather than wishing for or resenting not having a whole one. Part of growing up is learning to appreciate what we do have—the good things around us, the simple stuff, like the air we breathe or the sparkling red leaves of maple trees in autumn. Gifts surround us. Can we accept them?
Thich Nhat Hanh writes, “When we live in the spirit of gratitude, there will be much happiness in our life. The one who is grateful is the one who has much happiness while the one who is ungrateful will not be able to have happiness.” (Hanh, p. 60.)
Sometimes gratitude hurts; it can be easier to give than to receive. Accepting a gift might make us feel guilty- it’s too much; or deprived- it’s not enough, as in “I never get what I want.” If we often feel deprived, accepting a gift can makes us feel needy and greedy. Maybe we feel that we never got enough when we were little, and what we get now is too little, too late.
I might think, “No one can make up for what I didn’t get. I never got what I rightfully deserved!” That may be true, but staying resentful, painfully empty, closes the world; when the world is shut I can’t give with an open hand or receive with an open heart.
Problems and resentments roll out while our brains are on auto play. Stop! Consciously count, remember the world’s blessings. Practice.
Robert Emmos, professor of psychology at UC Davis, has done research on gratitude for over ten years; he finds that writing in gratitude journals can increase happiness levels by 25%. My personal practice is to find three things to feel grateful about before going to sleep; when I wake up I smile, stretch, and listen to the birds sing.
So, wake up and feel grateful. Breathe the bountiful air. Feel the clean sheets and warm blankets on your bed. Smile at yourself when you look in the mirror. Smile at your loved ones and at the ones you don’t love too; maybe they feel unlovable, and are in special need of your smiles.
Generosity means you can receive as well as give. You can appreciate your gifts–and you can share your spark with others. That’s what object relations is about–sharing that flame.
Grateful feelings are celebrated in the winter festivals of Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Christmas. These December festivals all involve giving and getting gifts; can we feel generous and grateful, giving and receiving with open hands?
The spark ignites when we know we’re happy enough. Gratitude brings rainbows.
Pass it on.
Bibliography
Emmons, R. A. & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 377-389.
Klein, Melanie. (1975). Envy and Gratitude. NY: Simon and Shuster.
Thich Nhat Hanh(2007). Two Treasures: Buddhist Teachings on Awakening & True Happiness. Berkley, California: Parallax Press.
©Copyright 2009 by Lynn Somerstein, PhD, RYT. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry. Click here to contact Lynn and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile
Friday, December 11, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Sharpen your Knives for the Holidays
Sharpen your knives for the holidays.By Lynn Somerstein, PhD, RYT
The hardware store on Third Avenue has a sign in the window that says, “Sharpen your knives for the holidays.”
Many of us are lucky enough to have joyful holiday celebrations, with loving family, friends, people who are positive, and that’s wonderful—but unfortunately not the universal experience; there’s a down side to many celebrations—not everyone is your friend, and some of those unfriendly people sharpening their knives for the holidays want you to be their turkey.
For example, food is love, right? Well, sometimes it is, when your friend cooks you something special and you are free to eat as much or as little as you want, and give a big thank you. But some friends and relatives aren’t satisfied with a compliment- they want to you to eat it ALL UP. Like the Clean Plate Club Kid I wrote about last month. He comes from a family of overeaters and controllers- they’re only happy if he eats so much he gets sick—that’s how he proves he loves them.
Or how about meat eaters who insist you really aren’t a vegetarian, or vegetarians who rank you out because you eat meat, or drinkers who push alcohol on someone who is in recovery. And what happens if you’re on a diet, or you’re allergic, or you simply can’t stand sitting next to Aunt Rose, or anyone, but you have no choice, and you get really mad, so you stuff yourself, or you starve yourself, or you just go in the bathroom and throw up. What about that mean cousin who always gives you the business about your love life, or your job, or your kids, or your bank account?
Walls closing in. Push back and find space.
Object Relations theorist DW Winnicott talked about the play space- an imaginary state where everyone is equally free, holding of self and other, and able to pretend and have fun.
Here are some playful ideas to help you strategize, survive Thanksgiving, and not feel like a turkey. Write me if you think of a few more.
1. Don’t come with expectations. Just show up and be with people as they are, not how they should be or where you would like them to be.
2. Your imagination was your first toy, and it still can be.
3. Make believe you’re an anthropologist observing a strange tribe. Take notes!-
4. Had enough to eat? Say no thanks and stand firm. Hide your plate. Or give a very detailed description about what happened the last time you ate too much Thanksgiving dinner. Gross.
5. Pretend you’re a hostage waiting for your release. How much money for your ransom? Who should pay? Maybe you’ll manufacture a wild escape. How should your jailers be punished? Let your imagination run wild.
6. Okay, so Aunt Rose never stops talking and has no manners. You’re not going to change her- you’re stuck. You can sit and steam and ruin things even more for yourself, or you can find ways to dampen your burning fuse. Maybe Aunt Rose wants to be interviewed. Maybe you’re a TV host. Maybe one of you is Oprah in disguise. Take turns, even if Aunt Rose can’t.
7. Try deep breathing. Breathe out and make the room bigger.
8. Tell jokes to yourself, and to anyone else who might have a sense of humor. Keep the mean remarks private though.
9. Remember-- all the spiteful things your nasty cousin says tell you lots more about HIM than about you, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. He’s pushy? You’re kung fu master. Let the negative energy flow right past you and back at him. BAM!
10. Try not to leave your body, if you can. Ground yourself by feeling your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap or on the table. Breathe. Focus your attention on something beautiful.
11. If that doesn’t work, how about an out of body experience? How do things look when you’re floating up on the ceiling? Wave to the folks down below. Can anyone see you?
12. Pretend you’re an invisible star or king or Buddha or angel. Knives, sticks, stones, not even nasty words can hurt you.
13. Act like you’re surrounded by Buddhas in disguise, and honor everyone.
Remember- therapy gives you tools you can use for self-defense as well as self-understanding.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Tips to survive the holidays
Sharpen Your Knives for the Holidays
November 13th, 2009 |
Yoga therapy helps tardive dystonia
Yoga Therapy Today- VOlume 5, issue 3. pp. 21-23. Can yoga help tardive dystonia?
Robin Rothenberg's work with Dick Crowley- who has tardive dystonia as a result of medication he took to control severe manic-depressive illness. Pranayama was key- especially breath holding. And the yoga therapy was like a dance- Dick led, Robin followed with great sensitivity and intelligence.
Anyone else have similar experiences to report?